The Conqueror of Shamblamlamwhaman
by Kimexa
Summary: A very random fanfic. Roy wants to be the Alchemy King but so does some other people. And some characters from other things Like Optimus Prime and CHUCK NORRIS.
1. Chapter 1

The Conqueror of Shamblamlamwhamman.

One day a long time ago on the other side of the Gate, in a place called Amestris and somewhere in the military, PimpMasta Roy Mustang was pondering at his desk.

"Why isn't there a King of Alchemy?" he said to himself.

"Well sir-" Lt. Hawkeye was cut off by PimpMasta Roy 's shoulder angels.

"Optimus!? Why are you here?" he whispered to the Transformer, Optimus Prime.

"Well you see, Roy, I think there should be an alchemy king. In fact, it's the right job for you!" Optimus said enthusiastically.

"Well," Roy said, being a bit full of himself, "it would be better than Fuhrer!"

"Sir?! Who are you talking to?" Lt. Hawkeye asked, confused.

"No one…" he said, taking another bite out his Tim-tams.

Then, a puff of red and black smoke appeared on Roy's left shoulder to reveal… MEGATRON!!

"Roy! Don't believe anything that red and blue transformer has to say! Fuhrer is better! Just think about that rule! On that day you can have all female officers wear TINY MINISKIRTS!"

Roy then instantly got a small, bloody nose but he quickly shook it off. He then proceeded to stand on top of his desk and exclaime proudly:

"No! I want to be the King of Alchemy!"

Then the next week in Central there was a vote; a vote for who was best suited for the alchemy king!

"Thank you ladies and gentlemen for coming here on such short notice to choose your alchemy king! I also chose this wonderful time to show you the new picture of Elysia!" exclaimed Maes Hughes. The audiences groaned and booed him.

"But look how cute she is!" he protested.

The audience didn't agree.

"Somebody kill him!" a random guy in the audience yelled.

Well, just because this scene got a little violent, we will skip to the next. And, if you were wondering if Hughes really died, then yes. Envy shot him later that day.

"Roy, there are too many people wanting to be king," Optimus said to Roy.

"I know…WHEN DID YOU GET HERE OPTIMUS?!" Roy exclaimed, surprised.

"Kill your opponents," said Optimus, disappearing.

"Okay," Roy said, turning to Lt. Hawkeye, who had the strangest look on her face.

"Who am I up against?"

"Well, sir…" she said, opening up a note book, "Edward Elric, Envy and um, thats well...it sir."

"TOO.MANY. PEOPLE!" he yelled.

" Before we show you your candidates we have a short advertisement add from Wrath!" Said Havoc happily.

Wrath quietly stepped up to the box and took a deep breath. "HEY! DO YOU WANNA FEEL SOOO ENERGETIC!? TRY POWERTHIRST! ENERGY DRINK FOR PEOPLE WHO NEED GRATUITOUS AMOUNTS OF ENERGY!!! WITH ALL NEW FLAVORS LIKE "SHOCKOLATE!" CHOCOLATE ENERGY IT'S LIKE ADDING CHOCOLATE TO AN ELECTRICAL STOOORM! SOUND THE ALARM YOU'RE GONNA BE UNCOMFORTABLY ENERGETIC! WHAT'S THAT? YOU WANT STRAWBERRY? WELL HOW ABOUT RAAAAAWBERRY!?

MADE WITH LIGHTNING, REAL LIGHTNING! SPORTS YOU'LL BE GOOD AT THEM, IT'S A ENERGY DRINK FOR MEN! MENERGY!!!!!! THESE AREN'T YOUR DAD'S PUNS THESE ARE ENERGY PUNS... TURBOOOOPUNSSS!!!! SCIENCE, ENERGY, SCIENCE, ENERGY, ELECTROLYTES, TURBOLYTES, POWERLYTES, MOAR LYTES THAN YOUR BODY HAS ROOM FOR!!!!!

YOU'LL BE SO FAST MOTHER NATURE WILL BE LIKE "SLOOOOW DOOOOWN" AND YOU'LL BE LIKE "FUCK YOU!" AND KICK HER IN THE FACE WITH YOUR ENERGY LEEEGS!!!!!!!! YOU'LL HAVE SO MUCH ENERGY YOU'LL BE RUNNING... ALL THE TIME!!!!!! POWER RUNNING, POWER LIFTING, POWER SLEEPING, POWER DATING, POWER EATING, POWER LAUGHING, POWER SPAWNING BABIES!!!!!YOU'LL HAVE SO MANY BABIES! 400 BABIES!!!!!!!! GIVE SHOCOLATE TO YOUR BABIES AND THEY'LL BE GOOD AT SPORTS!! MAKE YOUR BABIES RUN ABNORMALLY FAAAAST!!!! THEY'LL RUN AS FAST AS KENYANS! PEOPLE WILL WATCH THEM RUNNING AND THINK THEY'RE KENYANS! THEY'LL RACE AS FAST AS KENYANS! AGAINST ACTUAL KENYANS! AND THERE'LL BE A TIME THAT THEY'LL GET DEPORTED BACK TO KENYAAAAAAA!!!!!!! HEY GO WITH THE SURE THING DON'T GAMBLE ON YOUR ENERGY! SNAAAAAAAKE EYEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSS! TRY POWER THIRST THE ENERGY DRINK THAT'LL MAKE YOU ARGH! SPORTS! ARGH!!!!!" He yelled in to the mic making everyone's ears bleed.

" Would this drink happened to have Philosopher Stone shards init? Said an anonymous person from the crowd. Wrath gave a small nod in agreement before Havoc pushed him off the stage.

" Our first Candidate is PimpMasta Roy Mustang!"

The crowd cheered.

PimpMasta Roy Mustang stepped up to the mic. And because his speech,well everyones speech was very long and extremely boring. I'll cut them. But to give you a idea of what they said it was " I want to the Alchemy King because…blahblah bah" Just like a Miss Universe pageant.

Later that night.

"Hello,Edward!" Said a mysterious voice.

"Huh? Did you say something Al?" Ed said turing to his younger brother.

" No,Ni-san" Al replyed.

" Edo, It's me….." said the voice

" Alright! Who is there?!" Ed yelled.

" CHUCK NORRIS" Chuck yelled in Ed's ear.

" Argh! My ear!" exclaimed Ed clutching his ear.

" Ni-san! Are you okay?!" Al yelled rushing over to Ed.

" Yeah Al, I'm fine."

" Ed! There's something I must tell you!" Chuck said.

Ed quickly lefted the room so her could talk to Chuck and not make Al think he was a complete nut case.

" What do you want?" He ask Chuck.

" Ed, Roy has been told to destroy all competion"


	2. Chapter 2

This wasn't on the other one so I'm putting it on nao. I do not own FullMetal Alchemist,Transformers,CHUCK NORRIS and the MENERGY! Thing and Noodle Boy. This is my first fanfiction in this format! Yay!

" Ed, Roy has been told to destroy all competion"

" By who!" Yelled Ed.

" That evil transformer! Optimus Prime! Said Chuck

" No wai!" Said Ed shocked..

" He will not kill us ,Ed, We will just roundhouse kick him dead!" stated Chuck.

" Good plan." Reply Ed.

Then suddenly Elmo appeared!

" No Edward! Killing is bad!" Elmo said in his usual happy tone.

" ….."

" Roundhouse kick him, Edward!!" Yelled CHUCK NORRIS.

Then Ed decided to side with CHUCK NORRIS and roundhouse kick Elmo in to oblivion.

A couple of days later they had to say another random speech to the audience. Be glad this is not a miss universe contest.

" To start off my speech" said Edward

"Where is he?"

" I can't see him!"

" I'M RIGHT HERE!! I'M NOT THAT SHORT THAT YOU CAN'T SEE ME!!" Edward yelled at the audience.

The some guy came out with a box so Ed could stand on it. Ed just yelled at the guy.

"Okay. I want to read a part from my favorite book!" Said Edward cheerfully.

" The 3 Roy mustangs and the horny Edward Elric-"

Well this book is totally inappropriate so I wont write it. But when Ed had finished reading the audience seemed to be in shock or disgust and was definitely one of those 'Awwwwwwkwarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrd' moments.

Next up was Envy. His speech was long and boring until Wrath decided to well…wake people up.

" No! You can't buy a homeloan!!!!" Wrath yelled at Envy from the audience.

Envy just stopped and stared at him as if to say 'how dare you interrupt me' but he just simply yelled back:

" No! I want a fucking mortage!!

Then everyone went completely silent. Another ' Awwwwwwkwarrrrrrrrrrrd' moment.

" IT BURNS WHEN I PEE!!!!" Roy Mustang yelled running on to the stage.

Not long after Alphonse came running out screaming:

" I MILK ON THEE!!!

" Ew! He's peeing on us!" Yelled a child from the audience.

Well. That day was a disaster.

Well I have to leave it there. It's late and I'm dead on ideas.


End file.
